“An octopus has eight legs. You know what else has eight legs? My bed last night. Oh, I didn’t have a foursome, but I did sleep with six prosthetic legs (I have a bad back).”

“I type as fast as a ten-legged man who just had eight legs chopped off runs.”

“Love isn’t stackable and interlocking, like boxes or Legos. Love is like a one-legged man standing on a three-legged chair that is placed on top of a two-legged piano. I should know, because I’m the guy trying to tune that piano, fix that chair, and affix a prosthetic leg to that guy—who happens to be my piano teacher. Mr. Balloonky, you get down from there now!
”

“I want to meet the girl of my dreams, and then immediately try to sleep with her—for between six to eight hours.”

“If I had a wooden leg I could sit on three-legged chairs no problem.”

“If silence is the admission of guilt, then she must be really guilty, because last night I asked her a question and instead of answering, she went to sleep for eight hours.”

“I feel like having another thigh and calf would give me a leg up on my competition.”