“As the sound a duck makes, I feel qualified to give medical advice. My wisdom will cost you some bread, but it’s got less mayonnaise than the medical community.”

“Some people work in the medical field, others in the legal field, while I work in the green field. Except in winter, and then I work in the brown field.”

“My advice is don’t take advice from anybody. This is good advice, and as such, it’s bad advice.”

“A blanket could be used in exciting medical advancements, curing everything from shivers to tonitrophobia.
”

“I keep butter in my underwear, because it’s like a meat locker down there. Can I interest you in two rolls of bread?”

“If science took my IQ and spread it evenly among the world's population, like mental mayonnaise, we'd have more art, less war, and higher cholesterol.”

“I have a handicap on the golf course like you wouldn’t believe. It’s more than a limp, and less than a wheelchair.”