“As the sound a duck makes, I feel qualified to give medical advice. My wisdom will cost you some bread, but it’s got less mayonnaise than the medical community.”

“Truthfulness itself is almost medication, even when it’s served without advice or insight.”

“When pressed to tell people how I got myself into my current nepotism-gone-bad situation, I like to describe it as a mini-breakdown. The prefix makes all the difference. It makes it sound more like a vacation than a condition best treated with medication and art therapy.”

“I’m only marginally qualified to be giving advice at all. My body mass index is certainly not ideal, I frequently use my debit card to buy things that cost less than three dollars because I never have cash on me, and my bedroom is so untidy it looks like vandals ransacked the Anthropologie Sale section. I’m kind of a mess.”

“While learning about phobias in my college psychology course, I came across the fear of long words- or, as referred to in the medical community: hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia.”

“I'm Dr. Ethan Kane, director of the Hauer Institute. My senior medical staff joins me in welcoming all of you to Maryland and to Liberty General Hospital. Think of it! You've been chosen to make an extraordinary journey with us. You'll be making medical history, making some very good money as well, and this will be the best experience you've ever had. I guarantee it!”