“Aside from criminology, I’d say archaeology has the highest body count.”

“I’d rather count to one billion, than waste my time thinking I could count on you.”

“Love doesn’t have form (aside from your naked body), but it does have a shape. The shape of love is circular, like a STOP sign.”

“Education will only take you so far. To go even further, I’d recommend getting a piggyback ride from a midget half your body weight.”

“The only other man I’d let see my wife’s naked body is the butcher.”

“If a building were shaped like a body, I’d imagine you’d exit out the rear.”

“I found the skeleton of a caveman a few years back. Miraculously, it had skin and hair still attached, and amazingly my archaeological discovery actually talked to me saying, “Jarod, when are you going to stop mooching off your mother and me?”