“At first I thought my wife and I were made for each other. It was as if we came out of the same factory. I think we were made in the USA, because things quickly began falling apart.”

“We made eyes at each other, and then we made love. We also made other things too, like meatloaf.”

“Sure, I have nice shoes. They’re in my closet, collecting a patina of dust. My shoes were made for dancing, and that’s why they’re dusty, because my feet, unfortunately, were not made for dancing. My feet were made for making wine, and that’s why my walk is intoxicating.”

“I remember the first time we made love like it was the second time. We never made love again, and I don’t regret it for a second.”

“I murdered all my staff. I’m terribly sorry. I thought they were someone else (my wife).”

“Last night I snuck an orchestra into the elevator at my apartment. We made elevator music history until Marvin got his oboe caught in the door and Mrs. Hoffstead started singing "Yes We Have No Bananas Today" in the hall so loud the police were called in from Equador.”

“We made love like three seasons, but I didn’t fall.”