“Before bed I do a bit of light reading. I’m reading a 50-pound book on midgets.”

“Some people read books on musicians, while I read music books. Not books on music, but literally books full of sheet music. Fascinating reading.”

“Most people have a list of 100 books to read before they die, or 100 places to visit. Not me. I have a list of 100 birthdays to see. No need to write them down, they're simply 50 through 150. Another list of mine is 100 people to meet before I die who look exactly like me, thanks to the miracle of cloning.”

“Reading—it’s the third best thing to do in bed.”

“The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.”

“If laughter came in paste format you could squeeze out of a tube, I’ll bet nine out of ten dentists would recommend comedy before bed. The tenth doctor, having just read Tolstoy as deliberately mistranslated by Dora J. Arod, would probably recommend reading Russian literature before bed.
”

“Last night I read two books back to back. Tonight I’ll probably read both of those books’ front covers.”