“Before I saw or met you, I thought you were someone else.”

“I murdered all my staff. I’m terribly sorry. I thought they were someone else (my wife).”

“If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity.”

“You’re already older than the last time I saw you, and I just saw you right before I blinked.”

“When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future.”

“If I were a hermaphrodite, and someone told me to go fuck myself, I'd reply, "Why thank you. I think I will!”

“I once saw a politician walking a dog, and I thought, “How absurd—an animal walking an animal.” Then I thought, “If given the choice, I’d rather vote for the dog.”