“Being a parent is a gift, one which most men unselfishly allow women to keep all to themselves.”

“Men lie to get laid, women lie about orgasms, and hermaphrodites lie to themselves.
”

“Love is the most precious gift you could ever possibly hope to steal. Some women foolishly do not leave their rib cages locked at night.”

“The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me.”

“If you give me a gift, it’d be insulting to pay you, because I’d be denying you the gift of giving. So my gift to you is to accept your gift, thereby allowing you to enjoy the gift of giving.”

“A clone’s most valuable function would be as a gift giver, because who else but you knows exactly what you want? Only your clone. And besides being the perfect gift, it’d also be a surprise, because it’s not like you bought your own gift.”

“Nipples—men have them, but don’t need them. Men—women have them, but don’t need them. Women—I don’t have them, but I need them. All of them.”