“Being vulgar to be funny is a crutch, and I prefer wheelchairs.”

“Faith: a device of the mind, fed by the soul, that functions like crutches to a man in a wheelchair.”

“2 out of 4 numbers prefer being in the bottom 50 percent. Half of all lovers also prefer being on the bottom.”

“I started out on a treadmill—and I just did my first marathon. And all while sitting in a wheelchair.
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“If religion is a crutch, then society is the broken foot.”

“Last night as I was driving home, I ran over a guy in a wheelchair. But it’s OK—he was already paralyzed.”

“Something can be humorous without being funny. The difference is when it’s humorous, a person says, “That’s funny,” and when it’s funny, a person can’t say anything because they’re too busy laughing.”