“Bestseller doesn’t necessarily mean good writer. I think it takes 10,000 book sales to make the bestseller’s list, and at about 9 dollars a pop for my book, if I had an extra $90,000 dollars of disposable income, I’d be a bestseller tomorrow. But would I be a better writer? No, I’d be a poorer writer—about $75,000 dollars poorer.”

“I inherited a pound from my British uncle. I’d have rather gotten a dollar, because what do I want with an animal shelter?
”

“If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.”

“My cat’s favorite chew toy is a pen. I’d wager that he is a better writer than me.”

“I’ll trade you one dollar for five dollars. What, is my money no good here?”

“If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I reminded them of Orafoura’s shadow, I’d have a penny more than ninety nine cents. And even then that’s because I muttered it to myself this morning in the shower.”

“A writer must be a lifelong reader to be good. And if you want to be a great writer, I’d suggest trying to live a long life by reading the ingredients of the foods you buy.”