“Birthdays, like women named Bertha, are not named after great Aunt Natalie. But you, Natalie, just might be. I’m named after my uncle Birthday, who never had one since he died in the womb.”

“He had a last name for a first name, and a last name for a last name, but only because it came after his first name (the one that sounds like a last name). Otherwise, his last name would sound like a first name.”

“I want to go to Martha’s Vineyard. I have an aunt named Martha. And an uncle by that name. Neither one is related to me.”

“If I had a street named after me, I’d carry that around instead of a driver’s license for ID. You are what’s named after you.”

“If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name.”

“I call masturbating “Gregging,” named not after a man named Greg, but a guy named Dave.”

“My favorite tree is the Joshua tree, which is named after me. Well, it will be, once I change my name to Joshua.”