“Black clothing makes me look skinnier. If I wear all black at night, and turn out the lights, I look so skinny that I disappear.”

“I buy black clothes, so I can hide behind my shadow.”

“I had a dream where I lost Cap’n among the hundreds of black and white cats and they all looked nearly identical to him. It was such a sad dream that it made me drool out of my eyes.
”

“I don’t like to brag or frighten, but I’ve got a black belt. And a brown one, which I sometimes wear with black slacks.”

“I got hit on at the bar last night, and this morning I have a black eye. Sometimes you can be so sexy that you offend, I guess.”

“The light lulls you into a false sense of security. But if the dark should come suddenly and silently, you’d stand out like black on night.”

“I sell black markers on the black market. I am personally responsible for 50% of all truck stop urinal poetry.”