“Bosses are like assholes—everybody’s got one. Well, everyone except the unemployed. But still, bosses are like assholes, in that they are assholes.
”

“I can guess which car my boss drives. I’ll just look for the one with the hole in the back, like an asshole.”

“Before I make you boss, I want to tattoo “Assistant” around your asshole.”

“Nobody likes a dick. Except a pussy. Or an asshole. Or a goat’s mouth.”

“A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.”

“My asshole smells like a bookstore. So, are you a big reader?”

“Sometimes when I’m watching TV and I see a horrible commercial I think, “Only an asshole would buy that.” Then I think, Wait a minute! The advertising agency did research on their client’s target market and which channel and TV shows the ideal demographic watches, right? This would mean a carefully chosen ad campaign to get the product in front of the likely buyers, who in this case, are assholes. And I’m on the chosen channel, which means that I am one of the assholes of interest. Then I get spooked, because how’d they figure out that am asshole? Scary how well they know me.”