“But I still have no cash flow. I need a job, or the gift of prophecy and a plane ticket to Las Vegas.”

“Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground.”

“I don’t need your sympathy, unless it comes in the form of a check or cash. I also accept money orders.”

“I can fly a plane, but I can’t fly a planet. Not without a seatbelt the size of the equator. The way I eat @McDonalds, I may need a seatbelt that fat.”

“I retired at the age of 25, and it wasn’t until a few days later that I realized that in order to retire you need a stash of cash, and if I wanted to live to the age of 26, I’d better reenter the workforce. Or, rather, enter it for the first time.”

“The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me.”

“I asked my doctor for the best gift ever: Life. Still, he wouldn’t take one for me.”