“Cats are the best. They don’t need haircuts, and they love to cuddle, unlike certain celebrities who’ve issued restraining orders against me.”

“There are only two ways to love—in spite of yourself, and in spite of the restraining order.”

“I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cats.”

“Cats are like walking brooms you can actually comfortably cuddle with.”

“I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle.”

“My workout partner is a cat. We nap together. He spots me a place, and keeps it warm, and then as soon as I spot him I go to him and cuddle.”

“Cats are always there when you need them, asleep, telling you with their body language that they don’t need you.”