“Cats have the curiosity of a genius, while dogs have the intellect of a sack of manure covered in hair and mulch made from bark (so loud). Actually, that assessment isn’t quite fair. Sacks of manure are smarter than dogs, and make better best friends (I should know, because I’ve lost three best friends to landscaping incidents in the last year alone, which left me alone).”

“Diamonds are a girl's best friend and dogs are a man's best friend. Now you know which sex has more sense.”

“Dogs have hair. Cats, fur.Dogs whine, yip, howl, bark. Cats purrr.I say: No contest.”

“Curiosity may have killed the cat, but paranoia was what tied it up in a sack and buried it in wet concrete.”

“When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.”

“There was just Mavis and me, but it never seemed lonely because we never stopped talking. I could have an argument, in earnest, about who was the best “Kid” in the Hall, without having to explain who they were. One friend with whom you have a lot in common is better than three with whom you struggle to find things to talk about. We never needed best friend gear because I guess with real friends you don’t have to make it official. It just is.”