“Coffee and donuts go together like government policy and subsequent poverty.”

“My hands fell asleep, so I washed them with hot coffee. Then I had donuts for breakfast, by way of spinning circles in my car and burning rubber in the parking garage of my office building.”

“Eat a donut in the face, not its asshole.”

“I could either buy one missile, or 88,000 cups of coffee. Both would wake me up, but the coffee would also wake up North Korea. I’ll go with the coffee.
”

“Governments are too stupid to understand that too much red tape does not bind a nation together—it tears it apart.”

“I’ll tug at your breasts like a thirsty child. Try not to burn your nipples in my hot coffee. While you’re at it, I also like sugar in my coffee.”

“Taxidermy and taxes go together like peanut butter and sodomy. Can somebody get me two slices of bread?”