“Courage comes in many forms. One of them is the ability to run at high speeds while wearing adult diapers.”

“I need to hire a babysitter for Friday night. I also need to buy myself some adult diapers.”

“I’m a man who wears many hats. Some of them are furry.”

“We were wearing diapers at the same time. We didn’t grow up together, however. I was in the crib, and she was playing cribbage in the nursing home.”

“I want to sit on the sofa, eating potato chips, while wearing one of those vibrating ab belts and getting a workout.”

“It’s hard to steal somebody’s shoes while they are wearing them and not have them notice. But that’s what politicians have done in this country. Not only that, but they replaced all our footwear with concrete boots.
”

“Through the miracle of science, or divine intervention, a brick could be made soft, like Jell-O, and a blanket could be made rigid, like the laws regarding the speed limit, as interpreted by the cop who pulled me over last night. Come on, Officer Dogood—97 in a 30 mile an hour zone is not egregious. It’s not like I was speeding with no lights on while wearing a blindfold and blasting Lady Gaga from my radio to mask the sound of pounding fists from a kidnapping victim I had tied up in my trunk. Now that is something that would merit a stiff penalty, like a parking ticket, or maybe a stern warning. 
”