“Crying about the economy is a strategy. It won’t get you a job, but it will keep Kleenex in business.”

“A brick could help me hold down a job. Hey, in an economy as bad as this, every little bit helps. 
”

“A brick could be used to keep thieves away from your house. Just set a brick outside your front door, and you won’t need any additional security. Years will go by and nobody will steal the brick. And because the brick won’t get stolen, it’s proof that it deterred thieves from approaching your property.
”

“A politician’s word is like a thick tree branch, and the people are all hanging on it. Well, I’ve got noose for you, politicians won’t keep their word, but they will keep you hanging.”

“If you supplied me a tissue, I wouldn’t need it because I wouldn’t feel like crying. But if you withhold it, you’ll make me sad and you’ll make me cry, thus causing me to need the very thing you won’t give me. So if you give it to me, I won’t need it, and if you don’t give it to me, your actions end up causing me to need it.”

“Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face.”

“If you carry all my love, it won’t get heavy and make you weak. In fact, my love will give you strength. And if you won’t carry my love, you carry a heavy burden.”