“Dear Ian, I felt good. I felt like a Christian to the T. Also to the Chris, Ian.”

“I want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming.”

“Her name was Janice, but I called her Jan because she was born in December—just like Chris T.
”

“The pain I felt when I lost my glove was nothing compared to the pain I felt losing my hand as well.”

“For me, the badlands are entirely too naughty. The whole time I was in South Dakota I felt like I needed a spanking.”

“Flower coffee—less caffeinated, more romantic. I wanted to be with her, but when I was, I felt like I’d rather wither.”

“So that was how I spent nine months of my life. I felt like I was pregnant, except instead of giving life, I was wasting mine.”