“Dinner is served. It’s chicken lo mein. Oh and by the way, your cat is missing.”

“I've eaten cat food before. Of course, the menu listed it as "Chicken Lo Mein.”

“I had a Chinese girlfriend once who asked me how much she meant to me. I knew very little Chinese, so I responded, "Chicken Lo Mein.”

“Cap’n is the cuddliest cat this side of the rabbit hole. He’s like a furry lump of clay, because no matter what position you put him in, he’ll stay there and purr and then fall asleep. I could fold him up and stuff him in a Chinese to-go box, and he’d not even meow once in protest. This works great, because instead of snuggling with leftover chicken lo mein, I now fall asleep with Cap’n curled up next to me.”

“My writing, it’s all I have. Well, aside from my health. And shelter, food, and clothing. Oh, and my cat.”

“Schrödinger’s cat was a Siamese cat, must have been, because if it’s at once alive and dead, it’s a zombie, and the only zombie cats are Siamese cats.”

“There are many men who deserve to die. The most deserving are those that claim to serve the public, but only serve up the public as dinner to the wolves.”