“Diversity is like a buffet, only with people. That’s why I like associating with individuals who are as close to macaroni and cheese as humanly possible.”

“I’m single, like a cheese slice individually wrapped in plastic.”

“If zombies eat brains, then they’d love me, because who doesn’t like a buffet?”

“I think it’s OK to rape as many people as possible, and that’s precisely why I’m going into politics.”

“Inviting the invading army over for dinner, buffet style, is a bad idea. Especially when I just took a bath in the last of your mac and cheese.”

“I don’t need a steak knife to cut my meat. That’s why karate chops were created. I’m like a butter knife, only slightly less deadly. But I’m great with bagels—and disobedient old people.”

“I’d never own a Hooters, because while I may be the face of the franchise, people only ever look at the breasts. Makes me feel like a piece of meat—medium rare, with melted cheese on top.”