“Do you mind if I use your bathroom? I haven’t made dinner yet.”

“I haven’t spent my time trying to duplicate my success. But only because I haven’t had any yet.”

“I made her late, so she made me dinner. And by late I mean pregnant. And by dinner I mean marry her.”

“If I collected dust, I wouldn’t mind if I got dust on it. My collection would grow and accumulate naturally. Probably my love would blend in with it as well, since I haven’t used it in so long.”

“You made me dinner, so I made myself vomit—twice. Once to clear some room in my full stomach so I could eat, and the second time as an expression of what I thought about your cooking.”

“Nobody can stop me. But only because I haven’t started yet.”

“You are going to lose your home, your spouse, your life, and all at once, when you die. So why not drink coffee now and remember the life you haven’t started living yet?”