“Don’t expect my hand to extend out of her vagina and accept the charity of strangers.”

“I don’t know dick about vaginas.”

“I made plans out of hope, expectation, desire, and duct tape, and I broke those plans with my bare hands.”

“I thought I was placing my hand on her knee. But it turned out to be her saggy boob.”

“Charity can be a good thing. But the only cause I’ll support is because. Don’t ask me why.”

“If coffee meant vagina, I’d ask you if you wanted cream in your coffee. But it doesn’t mean that, so I’ll just sit here and continue sipping my mug full of steaming vagina.”

“His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I wondered how this stranger could shake my hand, look me in the eye, smile, and expect me to believe such a bold-faced lie?”