“Don’t kiss in public, unless it’s midnight and you’re both wearing black so nobody can see you’re naked.
”

“Writing is work. It’s also gambling. You don’t get a pension plan. Other people can help you a bit, but ­essentially you’re on your own. ­Nobody is making you do this: you chose it, so don’t whine.”

“But when you’re a kid it’s like you’re wearing these binoculars strapped to your eyes and you can’t see anything except what’s in the dead center of the lenses”

“When love dissipates, it’s like dancing with daisies at midnight, and you don’t get easy at it when you’re deceased. And make no mistake, you will die before romance will.”

“It’s not what you wear that sets you apart from your fellow man, but what you don’t wear. I don’t wear pants, for instance, and while you’re pondering that, take a moment to gaze at my penis.”

“Life isn’t so bad. I’m not fat (unless you’re Gandhi), I’m not short (unless you’re Goliath), and I’m not ugly (unless you’re James Dean).”