“Don’t search for a void to fill. Find a vacuum to carpet. Let this be a lesson in love.”

“Pants don’t walk without legs in them. Let that be a lesson in love.”

“Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, “Have lube, will travel.”

“If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this situation, vacuum cleaners might make the best lovers.”

“The car wash sign said, “Free Vacuums.” So I told them I wanted a high-powered Dyson. I figured it’d be a good gift for my girl, so she could stop sweeping the living room carpet.”

“A car is a couch with wheels. My windshield wipers don’t work, so I’ve decided to stop watering my living room carpet. Honk if you want coffee, and I’ll pour you an umbrellaful.”

“It’s easier to hide your smoking habit on a foggy day. Let that be a lesson for you and your secret lover.”