“Drinks heavily loaded with ice are reasonably effective, but the best way to cool down is to cuddle with a recently deceased person.”

“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you.”

“The best way to hide a body is to convert it to saltwater and then dump it in the ocean. But whatever you do, do not drink it!”

“The zipper on my crotch is an air vent. I need some way to cool down my hot coffee.”

“Cats are the best. They don’t need haircuts, and they love to cuddle, unlike certain celebrities who’ve issued restraining orders against me.”

“I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!”

“I think coffee is the best drink known to man. I also think that wine is the best drink known to woman.”