“Driving is better than walking, because hitting is better than being hit.”

“I’ll leave the door cracked, because cracked is better than broken.”

“Love is being able to be yourself, with another human being who makes you want to be better than yourself.”

“On average, women are better liars than men. But the best liars are men, because politicians are still predominantly men.
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“What if a statue of me walked past my clone frozen in thought? Which one of the two would make a better quarterback than Geno Smith?”

“When tragedy befalls me and someone says, "Better you than me," I always reply, "Yes, I am better than you.”

“My time at the pool went swimmingly. Better than a nude beach, because I was the only one who was naked.”