“Earwax is nothing more than sound boogers. I’m too congested to hear anything but I love you. Not that I expect you to flick it at me lightly.”

“I would give you all my love, but I’m afraid I’d get nothing in return. And coming from you, nothing is simply much more than I want.”

“My cat will love you more than me. He won’t love you more than he loves me, but he will love you more than I love you.”

“If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave.”

“In a battle, an army of farts would surely beat an army of noses, even if those noses were armed with fingers that could flick long-range boogers.”

“I want to scrape earwax out of your ears like the last of the chunky peanut butter in a jar. I’d love it if you ate one of my world famous Listening Sandwiches.”

“If you were to ask me what kind of musical sound I aspire to produce, that noise would be a wet nipple sliding across a cheese grater. I’m a sucker for love songs.”