“Escalators are the offspring of elevators and stairs. Love is the progeny of passion and admiration.”

“The escalator doesn’t work, and you’d think they’d still be used as stairs, but in this economic depression, even the stairs are unemployed.”

“You’ll know the economy is dead when industry stops and escalators turn into stairs. That’ll be the day slinkies take over the world.”

“I’m like a staircase, she was like an elevator, and our relationship never escalated above friendship. I’d like to think we’ll one day be a couple, but I’m not going to wear a fishbowl on my head and dream about it. That wouldn’t be fair to me, her, or the goldfish I’d be displacing.”

“Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs.”

“Love is yesterday’s tomorrow, minus the frozen musical notes, soggy teabags, and political opposition from your own embryonic offspring.”

“Question for your life: Let’s say we’re on a date, and I’m being all seductive by talking nonstop about such interesting topics as intergalactic nano armies and the precise elevation at which a really tall building becomes a skyscraper, how would you respond if I invited you back to my grandma’s house for a passionate night of love making?”