“Even though I knew she needed to get something off her chest, I was hoping it wasn’t her big, beautiful breasts.”

“I knew a woman named Hope once, and boy did she fill me with her first name.”

“Thanks,” I said, “have a great day.” And I turned to leave. Damn! I am such a coward. Next time I’ll get her number, I told myself, even though I said the exact same thing sixty-some dollars ago. I needed a plan. I needed an event to take her to. What did I think I was going to do, ask her out to coffee?”

“I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because she hadn’t arrived yet.”

“It was one-way glass, and I was on the inside and she was on the outside. She was looking at me with the confidence of a woman who knows she won’t be scrutinized for scrutinizing me, and I was looking at her like I normally look at myself—though she probably thought I was staring at her breasts. Well, can you blame me? I had a stain on my shirt—and she had great tits.”

“She had breasts that sagged to her knees. But that's ok, because when it got cold, I could see her nipples through her kneepads.”

“The hole in my heart matches the key I gave her, and I’d like it back, along with the key to my hope chest.”