“Every leap year I like to jump. It’s a good way to get my daily exercise in every four years.”

“A brick could be renamed something clever and cute, like President, and repackaged and resold to a solid base of sheep consumers every four years. The sheeple will never even notice that every new model of brick is exactly like the last brick!
”

“The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
”

“A brick is like fruitcake. You don’t want to use it up all at once, and in fact, you don’t want to use it up at all. Well, if you won’t use it, then give it to someone who will. Every other Christmas I get the gift of fruitcake—and I think it’s the same loaf that I gave to that person the year before.
”

“Most people take four years to get a degree. Not me. I’m twice as ambitious. It took me nearly eight years to graduate.”

“Take me to Happy Birthday Land. It’s open 364 days of the year, and the one day of the year it’s closed for cleaning happens to be my birthday. 
”

“After years of searching, I finally found love. I found it in the unlikeliest of places: My best friend’s bed, right after he leaves for work every morning.”