“Every night I cuddle with a blob of unbaked clay I fashioned in the shape of a woman. But that’s what being in love is all about.”

“I left the door open so you could come in—and I could go out. That’s what being in love is all about.”

“Sunday nights I get about two inches of sleep. But I make do, because that’s all the erection I can muster.”

“Trying to put a baby back in the womb is like trying to convert a butterfly into a caterpillar, but still I’ve got to try. That’s what being in love is all about.”

“My dad taught me everything I know about being a man, and most of what I know about being a woman. The rest I had to learn from textbooks.”

“Doing autograph sessions all day is not what I signed up for. But that’s just all part of not being famous.”

“I make love like a leprechaun, and I cuddle like a rainbow—after a shower.”