“Every time I eat an English muffin I feel like I become more grammatically correct, more refined, more cultured, and an all-around gentleman.”

“Sometimes I feel like this. Sometimes I feel like that. I wish I could be more specific, but that’s how I feel—vague.”

“I like food that speaks to me. Food like French toast, English muffins, and Deviled eggs. Oh, oval embryonic spawn of chicken, why hast thou deceived me?”

“We made love like a slice of French toast trying to act like an English muffin.”

“I like to meet people and pretend I’ll never see them again. I tend to value things more if I think it’s the last time I’ll get to enjoy it. I’ll savor every moment I believe to be the last.”

“I had a missed call. It’s probably the all you can eat buffet calling to say, “Come back! We know you can eat just a little bit more.”

“If I give you more love, it will only give me more love to give. The more I give, the more I have to give.”