“Farmers grow on the land. I suppose farmers grow farmers, rather than using sex to reproduce.”

“I used to live in a seedy section of town. There were a lot of farmers in the area.”

“My rural erection didn’t impress the people in town, but I did have all the dairy farmers lining up to try to milk it.”

“The wind blew my words away from you. So while I told you I love you, the phrase was carried in the opposite direction and landed 333 miles away in the ears of a confused farmer. He was nice, though. He sent me a kind letter saying that while he was flattered, I wasn’t really his type.”

“The world needs more laws. I say this only because I believe the world needs more lawyers. If everybody was a lawyer, there’d be no unemployment, because the economy would be like a great lawsuit factory. Farmers in this utopia wouldn’t raise crops, they’d raise suspicion.”

“I watch basketball like I watch baseball: I don’t. I’d much rather watch grass grow. Actually, golf isn’t that bad.”

“I’d rather fall in molten lava than fall in love. But I suppose that’s just the romantic me.”