“Fear is like a car. Either you control it, or you let it paralyze you.”

“Control your temper, or it will control you. Sometimes even remotely, like a toy car. Christmas is coming up, and for only $44.44 I’ll sell you a gift that would be perfect for the child in your life.”

“Work hard or don’t work hard, either way your hair will turn gray. I should let you be alone while you die, slowly.”

“In the future, I’ll be furniture. Step on me now or sit on me later, but either way let me know how I can make you feel comfortable.”

“I want to buy a sports car, because I like riding bicycles. Hold on to my handlebar mustache if you value your life.”

“If I had a vulva, I’d let you drive it like a Volvo. It’s all about safety. You could probably park on the street, but you might get a ticket.”

“When tragedy hits close to home, like your neighbor’s house, it really makes you stop and think. And while you’re thinking, I’ll be speeding off in the getaway car. 
”