“For me, the badlands are entirely too naughty. The whole time I was in South Dakota I felt like I needed a spanking.”

“North, south, east, west, I need to find a nude erection to point the way.”

“I live 30 times faster and more intensely than most people, so every year is a whole generation for me. I’d like my combo meal with a side of long white beard, and I’d like it to go. Now, damnit! Fast food simply isn’t fast enough for me. I’m so quick that I need a refill on my drink, and I haven’t even taken a sip.”

“Last week I was very ill. I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. Which is great, because before I felt like Napoleon. And let me tell you, my clothes were much too large.”

“I’m going to spend a lifetime being me, so I’d better like who I am as a person. My clone better like me too, because he’ll also spend his whole life trying to be me.”

“I met two twins, each named Dakota. I nicknamed the older one North, and the younger one I called—you guessed it—Cock Tease.”

“I say yes, turn the other cheek, and let me slap your butt again. Forgiveness can be oh so naughty.”