“For most Americans, money and calories are always on their minds, although they burn too much of one, and not enough of the other.”

“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much money.”

“There’s too much nudity on TV, and not enough on the radio.”

“Most people don’t know where money comes from. Even most of our elected officials don’t know. If you were to ask a politician where money comes from, s/he would probably reply, “I don’t know, from other people’s pockets?”

“Do onto others what others won’t do for themselves. If they won’t save their money, I’ll save their money for them.”

“I’m a miner, and I’m always dirty, because I’m constantly digging. Am I shoveling for gold? Hardly. I’m unearthing this hearty land searching for the next great American novel. If I dig deep enough, I’m sure to find it.”

“A brick could be used as a status symbol, much like a Mercedes is now. The cool thing about a brick is not only would it have zero emissions, but it would also have a top speed greater than that of most American cars.
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