“Free pyramids! Buy one, get one half buried.”

“Freedom isn't free. But there are some really great coupons if you know where to look. Buy one liberty, get the next one half off.”

“Tanks are so big and expensive they should be Buy One Get One Free. If they were, I’d buy 60 of them (I’d save up my allowance money).”

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy One Mustache, Get One Half Off deal. So he kept the full mustache, and gave me the half stache. It looks more like an eyebrow than a mustache.”

“I’m working hard to edit my book, so I can get it up for sale so that nobody can rush out and buy it. Hurry and purchase! You don’t want to be the first one to not be the first one.”

“My father is half man, half Zeus. That makes me one quarter fake God. But that's better than being one quarter nickel.”

“The very thing keeping me alive is also killing me—love. No wonder the rose symbolizes both love and death. They should have a deal where if you buy a dozen roses you get a free headstone.”