“Friends, like fingers, are only good if you can count on them, as well as point them in the right direction.”

“I have so many friends I couldn’t even count them on one hand—not even if I had six fingers. Now, if I had seven fingers, I could count on them, but I still wouldn’t be able to count on my friends.”

“Experience counts for something. I count with my fingers. I could count on you, but you’ve only got one finger for me (the middle one).”

“Ideas are like legs: what good are they if you can't run with them, or spread them?”

“You don’t need gale force winds to push you in the right direction. No, all you need is a good wife to push you around.”

“I wish my erection pointed inwards. But it doesn’t, it points directly at you.”

“I stand six feet back when meeting new people. And before they can step to me and extend their arm for a handshake, I drop down like I’m doing pushups, and extend my right hand. It’s friendly, but it lets them know I’m into boundaries. And unless they’re a cartographer, they have to be made aware of this fact.”