“From afar they looked like sexy legs, until I got closer and saw they belonged to a man, not an Amanda.”

“I saw her from afar. The game was afoot. I had astiffy.”

“Her legs are so long and sexy that I can see them 26.2 miles away. Gatorade.
”

“I thought she was sexy until I noticed she had a beard.”

“I look at a woman’s shoes, not to tell how sexy she is, but to determine how sexy she feels.”

“Love isn’t stackable and interlocking, like boxes or Legos. Love is like a one-legged man standing on a three-legged chair that is placed on top of a two-legged piano. I should know, because I’m the guy trying to tune that piano, fix that chair, and affix a prosthetic leg to that guy—who happens to be my piano teacher. Mr. Balloonky, you get down from there now!
”

“I saw her standing across the room, and I thought, “Wow! Who is that sexy woman she’s standing next to?”