“Gather the wheelchairs in a circle, and then summon the cripples. Would anybody care for a glass of discrimination?”

“Johnny Kickstand bullied me in middle school. Today, Kickstand stands 4’7” tall. Well, he would stand that tall if he weren’t in a wheelchair. So he’s a cripple and a midget, but he still whooped my ass last Tuesday. Bastard.”

“Hiring managers claim they don’t discriminate, but that’s simply not true. The unqualified are constantly being discriminated against.”

“Being vulgar to be funny is a crutch, and I prefer wheelchairs.”

“Faith: a device of the mind, fed by the soul, that functions like crutches to a man in a wheelchair.”

“I started out on a treadmill—and I just did my first marathon. And all while sitting in a wheelchair.
”

“Last night as I was driving home, I ran over a guy in a wheelchair. But it’s OK—he was already paralyzed.”