“Gold. You don’t mind if I just mined some, do you?”

“I can’t do my job, if you don’t do yours. I also can’t do my job, so can you do mine too?”

“On the subject of how to make friends, I would give you some tips, but I just don’t have any. Oh, I have plenty of tips, but I don’t have any friends.”

“I would offer to meet up for some coffee, but I don’t drink coffee. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to burden you with my personal problems. It’s just that I haven’t been the same since the Folgers fiasco of ‘04.”

“I don’t have to tell you, “I don’t have to tell you” before telling you something I don’t have to tell you. I also don't have to tell you I love you, but I do.”

“A book is a vacation for the mind. My books will take you inside my mind, so feel free to make yourself at home. Do as you please, but please don’t put your feet up on my hippocampus.”

“-The good guys are coming, boss. What do you want me to do?-Don’t just stand there, you idiot. Ram them with your erection!”