“Have an apple. It’s bruised. I beat the hell out of it.”

“I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob.”

“I’ll beat you with a ladder, so in my defense I can say, “I didn’t hit him! Look at those bruises. They are consistent with those of someone who clearly fell down some steps.”

“If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, that’s just what I’ll do. It’s this kind of regard for others that makes me believe I’d be a good politician.”

“I boasted that I bested the best, and I did. I beat my clone. In my dream, of course, but who cares? It’s still a victory.”

“My mother-in-law scared the hell out of me. But it’s cool, because the stench of Satan reminds me of her anyways. Hungry? Deviled eggs anyone?”

“You may have to dish out more love than me, but I have more love to dish out. Also, it’s your turn to wash dishes.”