“He died a suspicious death. But only because he was a politician, and everything he did was suspicious.”

“If a man’s a constant hand-shaker, he must be a politician or a crook—or both, if he is a politician.”

“-My son was 32 when he died.
-Degrees? So he froze to death, huh?”

“A priest, a politician, and a philosopher walk into a bar, and the bartender stabs one of them. Which one did he stab? (Hint: the shortest one.)”

“I suspect I’ll be suspicious for my whole life that Saturday night is sleeping with Sunday morning.”

“Thirteen of us ate supper, and then one of us died. Unfortunately, he did not rise from the dead to pay his dinner bill. And he wasn’t the only one to skip out without paying, but surely one of the eleven graciously paid for me.”

“I don’t think he’s dumber than a politician. But only because it’s not possible to be dumber than a politician.”