“Her legs are so long and sexy that I can see them 26.2 miles away. Gatorade.
”

“You’re as likely to see me sleeping on the job as a snooze is liable to grow legs 26.2 miles long and run a larm. What’s a larm? A buzzing sound the length of a marathon, but I always sleep through them—including the one in Boston.”

“I’d run 26.2 miles to eat a Marathon candy bar.”

“The girl who did my oil change was so sexy that after she was done, I drove nonstop 2500 miles one way, just so I could immediately turn around and drive back with a reason to see her again.”

“I run my household like a marathon. That’s 26.2 miles of me taking orders from my significant other, who has significantly more control over the relationship than I do.”

“The other day I tried to design a finish line, but I didn’t know where to start. So I just sat there and drank Gatorade. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“From afar they looked like sexy legs, until I got closer and saw they belonged to a man, not an Amanda.”