“Hiring managers claim they don’t discriminate, but that’s simply not true. The unqualified are constantly being discriminated against.”

“Gather the wheelchairs in a circle, and then summon the cripples. Would anybody care for a glass of discrimination?”

“I don’t know when I’m going to stop when I start—or start when I stop. That’s why I simply love continuously.”

“I hired a chauffeur and I became a motivational speaker, because I don’t drive—I’m driven.”

“I’m as constant as Constantinople. Now that’s some Istanbul shit.”

“Some people talk nonstop and manage to say nothing at all. Other people are more efficient and manage to say nothing at all simply by saying nothing.”

“I’ll write something that’s 111% true. It’ll be so true that it’ll be 100% false.”