“His voice was so gravelly I could drive a truck on it. And I would have, but I came carrying my bicycle.”

“I worked with a sketch artist, but I was driving fast when I saw the suspect, so the drawing came out blurry.”

“I went on a road trip with my cat, Cap’n. I would have let him drive, but he was drunk.”

“And out came an insult with the velocity of a whisper. But I could see I offended, so I zipped up my pants and left the wedding reception.”

“I left my youth behind me. It peddled the bicycle while I rode on the handlebars.”

“If I were an armadillo, and a stranger came up and said I looked familiar, and they wanted to know why I looked so familiar, I'd respond in a raspy voice, "Your brother ran over my brother.”

“I wish somebody would have told my grandpa about the Cold War, so he could have at least put on a jacket.”