“How big is my penis? Big enough to touch my hands.”

“My penis isn’t big. It just appeared that way because the midget’s hands were so small.”

“If my penis were big enough to be mistaken for a leg, I am not sure I'd want the world to know. However, I would walk up and down the stairs a lot. What you'd call masturbation, I'd call exercise.”

“I’m not exactly sympathetic, but I do have a big heart. I have to, to be able to pump all the blood required to operate my massive penis.”

“Let my hand be a blanket for my penis.
”

“I’m big on body language. If you give me the air hand job gesture, I might try to stick my dick in your closed, circular hand.”

“There’s a penis in my penne pasta. It’s my penis, but that doesn’t mean it belongs there.”