“How far would I go to be friends with someone? Halfway.”

“In my view, a Cyclops is halfway to being blind. Love sees all. When someone insults me and I go silent, I’m in Helen Keller mode. Listen!”

“If a woman asked me how far I’d go on a first date, my reply would be 69 miles. Round trip, not one way.”

“I often wonder how far I’d go for love. I guess it all depends on the price of gas.
”

“My close friends are fond of telling me that I put the “yalt” in loyalty. Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far with it, but yeah, I guess I am a pretty yalty person.”

“On the subject of how to make friends, I would give you some tips, but I just don’t have any. Oh, I have plenty of tips, but I don’t have any friends.”

“To me, a good friend is one who doesn't talk, but who listens all the time. Someone who is observant. Someone who wiretaps your phone lines. I consider myself a good friend.”