“How many seconds does it take to win second? As many as it takes to win first—if you don’t use them properly.”

“How many midgets does it take to take over the world? I’m not sure, but I’d guess twice as many.”

“I train for the winning moments, hoping all those seconds off the clock will lead to firsts. I train for seconds, that’s all—not even a cumulative minute—and that’s why I only ever earn seconds. Still, I’d rather have time and silver than gold and sweat.”

“1-12, how many Decembers does it take to sell thirteen to Mr. Fourteen and Mr. Months? Depends on how much love you throw in for free.”

“I remember the first time we made love like it was the second time. We never made love again, and I don’t regret it for a second.”

“If my name were Oscar, I’d want to be an actor and win my namesake award and take back my identity.”

“Try my all-you-can-eat vomit soup. Sadly, people don’t want seconds, because they don’t even want firsts. But it tastes great. I tasted it on the way down—and then again on the way up.”